Feeding Readiness, Engagment, and"All Done" Signs with a Baby

This is definitely its own long topic but I am being lazy. So I thought I'd just post these two videos which I think highlight the difference between when a baby is actively interested and engaged in a feeding compared to when she or he is done. It's so important to honor those "all done" cues because it helps foster a sense of reciprocity and connectedness between parent and baby, as well as a feeling of safety around meal times that she will be listened to when she tells you she's had enough. Also, it lays the foundation of your child being able to rely on his own sense of hunger and satiety without over-eating or needing an adult to tell him when to stop or eat more.  Additionally, acknowledging those "all done" cues as just that, communication, instead of bad behavior, can help keep us parents from getting man, which ultimately prevent those behaviors from becoming power struggles.

This first video highlights feeding readiness and engagement.  Note how she leans towards the spoon and opens her mouth.  Pretty obvious that she's into the meal and wants more food:

The second video highlights the same baby (my baby!) at the end of a different meal where she is clearly disinterested in continuing feeding.  Note how she makes it perfectly clear that she is no longer interest in eating her meal:

While it can seem very frustrating to stop a meal when there is still food left, or worse, when your baby has not eaten anything, it shows respect and that he or she is heard and understood.  Start with explaining the situation, such as "it looks like you are all done." Or, if it's more behavioral than that, consider, "food stays on the table.  If you throw your food on the ground, the meal will end." If the behavior continues, most likely the child is done eating (or bored or tired but clearly not motivated to eat and therefore most likely not too hungry.)  Honor the communication and avoid getting upset or making a big deal out of it.  Just start your "all done" routine, such as you and baby wiping the table, wiping hands and face, then getting out of the high chair.  Know that your baby will get another chance to eat soon.  Move on and enjoy the next activity with your baby!

Put picky past you: The family meal

The family meal is important on a few different levels. Primarily, it gets everyone together to enjoy food and to socialize. It takes the pressure off of one child and off of the food and elevates it to a fun event, where everyone wants to be. 

More importantly though, when the family eats together, modeling happens. Parent's model table manners, positive (or negative) feelings and interactions around food, as well as important food messages about what is "safe" and "good" to eat. There is speculation that this is how early humans passed on the essential information about what was poisonous or edible: by carefully watching what your parents and your family ate- then only eating those things.  This same behavior holds true today. Children watch us and eat what we eat. Conversely often they do not eat what we do not routinely eat. Hence, children that grow up in Korea will routinely eat things like kimchi, while many American children will not go near kimchi. Japanese children (generally) easily accept fish and seaweed, where as these foods seem am impossibility to most families of toddlers or young school age kiddos in the US. Also, a recent research study showed that parents who classify themselves as picky eaters are significantly more likely to have children who are picky eaters. We show our kids what and how to eat and generally they listen. Of course, there are MANY families who are not picky at all- who eat a wide variety of nutrient rich foods and whose kids are still very picky. Sometimes this is related to an underlying diagnosis: reflux, delayed gastric emptying, autism, etc. but sometimes it's not. In some of those instances, I suspect that the family meal may still have played a role in this. 

I will preface by saying that because children are SO widely different and complex, I know many will have their own unique reasons for being picky that don't relate at all to anything that we could have controlled as parents. I know. This info is not meant to blame parents. It is meant to empower and heal parents. I want parents of picky eaters to know that children don't want to be picky. It's not easy to be picky. It's frustrating for everyone and as kids get older it's embarrassing and anxiety producing. Kids want to fit it and picky eaters stand out in a negative way when they can't participate in normal social interactions, like parties or eating at a friend's house. Something is perpetuating the picky behaviors. I'd also like to add that picky eating has a lot to do with inherent temperament and personality. Certain babies and kids will grow up to be amazing and adventurous eaters no matter what the circumstance and no matter how they are patented. Even if they never have a family meal and their parents are super picky, they will still grow up to be great eaters. Conversely, there are those babies and children who are picky from the beginning- about everything. They are the ones who, even when you do all the "right" things, these children are still very likely to be fussy and picky. It's these kids (and those who are a bit less picky) that small parenting choices and interactions make a big impact. I suspect that these kiddos would respond the best to things like the family meal. And I actually suspect that these kid's tendency towards picky eating has been reinforced through either lack of family meal or through family meals gone wrong. 

The main idea behind a family meal is that everyone eats the same thing. Often times when we first introduce solids we introduce "baby food" then work towards "toddler food" then eventually we try to bring them into our adult meal. But when we feed something different, that's often 1 or 2 years of modeling that we lose at a critical time of learning. It's also setting up the idea that the child gets to eat something different and special (or sometimes whatever they choose). So to change it up on them after several years, can often cause a lot of resistance. 

So consider serving one meal from the get go- same or very similar foods for everyone (from the get go- even when your baby is 6 or 7 months old- yes this is possible- make it a snack meal, not dinner and if you are giving puréed applesauce, everyone gets puréed applesauce. Be creative and consistent. Of you're having chicken and veggies roast some veggies and put them on your 6-12 month olds tray however you think he or she can manage them.) 

As your child get older and often more picky through toddlerhood- stay consistent at the family meal. No separate, special food for the child. No cooking something else during or afterwards because the child wouldn't eat it. No snacks afterwards until the next mealtime. If your child doesn't eat at that meal, plan the next meal a bit sooner and your child will be more hungry at that  one. 

Another important tenet of family meals that I mentioned at the beginning of this post is that they are meant to be socially enjoyable. Think of them as a party! The focus is on the conversation and on the joy that comes from relaxing together at the table- not on the quantity of food being consumed or not consumed. Your child can choose not to eat anything at all and you will just ignore this and let him or her participate in the fun conversation or excuse them from the table. At first the child will think he or she has won the lottery. "You're not going to yell at me, pressure me to eat, make me the focus of an uncomfortable interaction??" Or, "You're telling me I can go?!" But I promise you, trust that you're child wants to be near you, interacting with you and the other parent. When fun happens at the table, a child wants to be a part of it. (No video games or tv instead during that time and you have to practice making the meal fun. For example, my dad used to ask us a "special question" at dinner each night and we all looked forward to answering that question and the talking that ensued. If the meal is frustration ridden and uncomfortable, no one will want to stay for that.) If you make meals light and fun, make mealtimes socially enjoyable and stop focusing on the amount your child is eating or not, then they will see that when they go, they are missing the party. They don't get to watch tv or talk with others at the table. They have to entertain themselves and let everyone else enjoy their meal. They do not get new food or a snack. Often times they come back in a few minutes. Or at the next few meals they won't leave the table at all and when your child is sitting at the table, he or she will eventually and often quietly begin to eat. Otherwise, they will not eat but will be more hungry at the next meal. No need to starve him or her- feel free to provide some of your kiddo's favorite foods at the next meal. Just avoid giving alternate foods at the family meal if your child doesn't eat. No subs or requesting special foods at the family meal. Consistency is key. Your child has to know 100% that the rules don't change. When she or he understand this, and stars to want to participate in the family meal, the child can then reap the benefits of parent and other sibling modeling good eating behaviors and trying new foods. 

When you get to this place, they family meal also serves as the perfect source of toddler leftover lunches. These are meals that are familiar to your toddler and he or she watched you eat. The food is healthy. You get to reinforce the foods you value and serve as a family. I strongly recommend this practice and I recommend starting early with this- even when your baby is 8 or 9 months old. 

Good luck and I'd love to hear about your family meals. What goes well, what are your favorite parts, what goes wrong? Feel free to leave me a comment!

Food Play: Fishing for Letters with Veggies

I got the idea for this from this pin: http://pinterest.com/pin/286400857524983776/

What you'll need:
1. Zucchini sticks- 1 for each child
2. Letter cookies from Trader Joes
3. Peanut butter or other nut butter if preferred (or sunflower seed butter if allergies are an issue)

Give each child a veggie stick  a handful of letter cookies (extra points if you find the letters in his/her name) and a glob of peanut butter.  Let the child scoop up the peanut butter with their zucchini stick, then call out letters and have each child find that particular letter.  When the letter is found, the child picks it up with their "fishing pole" and shows you then eats it.

Have extra "fishing poles" (aka zucchini sticks) ready because your child may start eating theirs and need a replacement!

Consider alternate "fishing poles:" celery, carrot, bell peper sticks, even beets!  Be creative!

Veggieful Shepherd's Pie: Family Meal Ideas

Veggie-ful Shepherd's Pie

I hate having to cook dinner after work.  I know I am not alone in this sentiment (I'm pretty sure I just heard a collective "amen, sister.")  So any make-ahead-and-quickly-reheat or one-pan-meal ideas make me happy.  Because of this, and despite the fact that it's still summer and I should be making only raw salads, I decided to make Shepherd's pie.  And it was delicious.  This dish was identified by my sister, who came to eat with us, as the "best Shepherd's pie" she's ever had.  On top of that, all three kiddos ate it (3 year old, 1 year old, 18 month old) and it was loaded with veggies.

I found this recipe from Pink of Perfection and I modified it a bit.  First off, I grabbed all the veggies left in my refrigerator in order to healthy the dish up a bit.  So for me that was bell pepper, zucchini, broccoli, onion, and mushrooms.  The quantities on these veggies is definitely open to wiggle room but I'll give you an estimation of what I used just so you have an idea.  I really think the extra veggies helped elevate this recipe. 

Veggie-ful Shepherd's Pie

Serves ~6 depending on appetites and if you serve it with sides

Ingredients:

For the mashed potatoes:

3 cloves garlic (smashed but whole)

1.5 lbs yukon gold potatoes (skin on cut up into ~2 inch chunks)

2 tbsp butter

For the meat & veggie filling:

1-2 tbsp. butter (cut up into small chunks, and possibly a bit more as you cook)

1/2 a yellow onion (cut into thin slices)

~8 smallish crimini mushrooms

~3/4 of a bell pepper (I used several small colorful ones but still it was at most about 3/4 of a regular large bell pepper)

1/2 of a zucchini

1 medium head of broccoli

2 cloves garlic (diced)

1 lb of grassfed, sustainably raised, antibiotic free ground beef

1 tsp coarse kosher salt

1/2 tsp. oregano

1/2 tsp. cumin

1/2 tsp. cayanne 

1 tbsp. flour

1.5 tsp. of tomato paste

1 cup stock (I used a homemade beef stock but the original recipe calls for chicken so you can use that or veggie I'm sure, if that's what you have)

1/2 cup grated cheddar cheese (I like Dubliner)

Directions:

Put potatoes and garlic cloves in a large pot and add water to cover.  Bring to a boil then reduce heat to low simmer and cook for an additional 25-30 minutes.  When potatoes are soft, turn off heat, strain the water, remove garlic (or just leave it if you like things garlicy) and return to stove.  Let rest for ~5 minutes then add butter, salt.  Coarsely mash potatoes to desired consistency and set aside. 

Heat some of the butter in skillet or heavy bottom saute pan then toss in onions.  Cook on medium-low heat until carmelized.  Remove from pan and put carmelized onion into a bowl and then saute mushrooms in same pan, adding more butter if needed.  Once cooked, remove from pan, add to bowl of onions, then throw rest of veggies into pan (I cooked the zucchini, bell pepper, and broccoli all together.  I am not 100% sure why I decided to cook the onion and mushrooms separately and then the rest of the veggies together, but for some reason I thought the broc/zuc/peppers would be fine in a bunch, and I think it worked out fine.)  Again, add more butter if needed and cook for ~5 minutes with a lid on the pot to help steam the veggies.  Once tender, remove from pan, add to bowl of mushrooms and onions.  Keep pan on med-low heat.

Add diced garlic and saute for ~1 minute until fragrant then add ground beef, salt, oregano, cumin, and cayanne to pan.  Cook until meat is no longer pink (I think ~8 minutes) then pour out excess fat from pan.  Put pan back on stove, add flour to meat and mix in well.  Then add tomato paste, mix in well and cook for another minute or 2.  Finally, add stock and put the sauteed veggies from earlier back in pan.  Simmer for ~3 minutes to reduce the sauce a bit.  

Pre-heat oven to 400 degrees and then assemble Shepherd's pie: layer meat/veggie mixture in bottom of 9x13 baking dish then spoon mashed potatoes on top, using spoon to smooth them into a flat layer.  once it looks lovely, sprinkle the cheddar on top and then pop it in the oven for ~20-30 minutes until golden brown on top.  Or if you are not eating it until that evening or the next night, don't preheat oven :) let the assembled pie cool, cover with a lid or foil, and store in fridge until ready to cook.

I served this with a very simple green salad.  

Also, the leftovers keep fabulously, taste even better the next day, and make perfect toddler lunches.  (I believe I heard an "hallelujah!" that time.)

Baby Led Eating: corn on the cob

Corn on the cob: easy to hold and manipulate, great oral sensory input, sweet and delicious, difficult to bite off large choking hazard sized pieces.

Easy Toddler Food Crafts: Beets

Many adults don't like beets so convincing kids to try beets can be tough to say the least.  But the more exposure a person (or child) has to a food, the more likely he or she is to eat it.  So get started with a fun, beet-y food craft so that by by the time you introduce beets in a meal, they will be familar to your child and connected to a fun memory!

Beets have such a beautiful color, what better way to craft with them than to paint or stamp:

I realize that licking the beet is not the most sanitary thing to do but it is a great way to get a child to taste the beet without the pressure of telling them to taste it.  Often the child will look at you like you're crazy at first and hesitate for a moment.  But when the kiddo decides that it looks really really fun to stamp, and he doesn't want to be left behind, often he'll just go for it!  I wait until after the kiddo has licked the beet a few times before I ask him or her what it tastes like.  

Easy Toddler Food Crafts: Tomato Boats

Tomato Boats on Lake Hummus

This cute craft/snack couldn't be easier to make.  Wrap a piece of washi tape around a toothpick to make a boat mast and flag, cut a cherry tomato in half and let your toddler assemble the boat by scooping up tomatoes with the toothpicks and floating them in hummus. 

This is a great snack for a playdate.  Let your kiddo help you assemble these ahead of time to serve to friends, or make this a fun activity and snack rolled into one for all the kids to enjoy!